Ambition of Wannabe Millionaires

If you think TPF2 and Idols are on totally different levels of professionalism, judging and depth of talent then think again. The Bugzzalot Rat and Roaches Lab has been struggling to get a hold of the emotionally strung DNA that has kept Cynthia and Hemedi in the running for TPF2 and Idols respectively. The intellectual capacity of both is in doubt, their talent is in doubt and the voters who root for them are in doubt. With three ‘doubts’ in support of them our researchers were puzzled at how they managed to attract so many ‘fans’. They inevitably stumbled into the Theory of the Losers’ Circle in this process.

Cynthia is the sweet lily that somehow never dies and Hemedi is the bad boy who manages to crack us up with silly quips and actions. He can even cry and still make us laugh. This was proven when he shed tears after the food train in the Fame house was halted, Kibera style. Of course he cried like the baby he pretends to be and even drew the sympathy of Achieng’ Abura, the School Principal. Imagine if he pulled that stunt in a real school- he would probably die of starvation due to the in-born high school culture of push and shove. And he actually claimed that he is from the ghetto. Maybe he doesn’t know the meaning of the word. After all, he didn’t know what the term lovebirds means when Lina casually queried whether Wendy and he were the a perfect example of lovebirds. He also tends to have the swagger of a confused alpha male. His strategy of snapping up a girl is staying in her face long enough to magnetically induce a like pole of love in her. There’s no problem with this but don’t do it in the full view of your supporting girlfriend mtaani. Maybe it’s an open relationship.

Cynthia on the other hand has enough personality to move an audience that is overwhelmed with too much airtime to waste. We don’t necessarily vote for talent (Valerie won TPF1 last year didn’t she? Yap, I’m still bitching about it!). This would have meant the trash can for Cynthia as the razor tongued Grammy Award nominee, Kawesa said. To the detriment of his dreams, the more he disses Cynthia the more votes she gets. She’s definitely not Meg C but she possesses a comparable stable of talent. After a hot debut at auditions, she disappoints with her drunkard karaoke style of singing. She sadly manages to plough her way through to the next show and we get to see her mystic beauty in full form.

In our study, we found that these two personalities are not as slow and outlandish as they appear. They can be likened to the Mona Lisa. For some reason, most of the great generations of yore think that she was the most beautiful woman to be immortalized on canvas. By extension, laymen think that she was the most beautiful woman of that era. Any overzealous black guy can refute this with a living example of his kadogo in a high class apartment while his family languishes in a mabati 5-star Galsheet crib. So for all his hype, Hemedi knows the key to success is entertainment. Everybody loves the act of a naïve funny character. He can claim to be from the ghetto then cry for food after the next kidney release and still make it. Cynthia knows that there’s nothing more attractive than a determined bombshell. For a woman with beauty and brains, talent is not too high in her priorities. Even if she loses (and she might win…Oops!), she has a bright career ahead of her as a Karaoke hostess or TV personality. Don’t forget that the audience knows that she can design her own clad. Authentic Cynthia labels are in the offing.

So gear up for the greatest surprise of your lives in the coming days. The last shall become first! Bugzzalot presents the losers’ winners circle.