Ambition of Wannabe Millionaires

The mad and highly idle gurus at Bugzzalot Observatory have been on the prowl uncovering oddities in the Kenyan landscape…

TPF2 Drama pt.1

It was rather obvious to our gurus that Jacob would be voted out of TPF2. Not because the house wanted him out or because he was stiff competition but because he was a snob and a bore (and it’s not hard to be both!). He obviously had more convincing talent than Hemedi (who might just win TPF2…ha ha) and ranks among the best in the house but we all know sheer talent is never enough. It comes with attitude, personality and hardwork (duh!). Even Britney Spears and Paris Hilton work hard so that each paparazzi always wants a piece of them. In fact, the former made a song out of it. We have also discovered why Victor is always saved by us (the audience). He strangely resembles Z.Anto of ‘Binti Kiziwi’ fame. If you doubt it then check your sub-consciousness when you are half asleep. And now that it’s entirely up to us to choose who stays and who goes he is most likely not to enjoy a winning streak anymore especially because he refused to listen to us when we begged him to spare Feli when he faced a ‘fake’ eviction. The board of directors must be feeling really dumb for actually allowing the eviction of the Tanzanians and later claiming that it was fake. Idols must be giving them a run for their money and it’s not even a daily show on the local TV stations.

Low riding the handbag

Remember the days when chics (the current mothers) would match across the streets with handbags superglued on their sides because of the fear of purse snatchers. These days the in-thing is to low ride i.e. bag held low and suspended just above the ground by the left hand. Purse snatchers must have retired because this would be like holding out bait to a Hyena. By the way, Hyena’s perceive human arms as loose meat hanging from the human body.

I got some flask

And staying with the world of in-things, not more than a year ago everyone in the city used to stroll in the streets with a water bottle. Who new the next big thing would be the mini coffee flasks? They are apparently the perfect accessories to any young hustler who is Yea! cashing cheques (check the new Coop Bank ad campaign). They look like silver medals with black tops. The only problem is that they are meant for guys with cars which actually have cup holders (or may be my gurus are just plain haters)! They are not jewellery!

Misplaced promo

Fair and Lovely. Hmmm…the modern metro sexual male shouldn’t find it difficult to talk about this line of female products. In the spirit of providing their main clients with something more positive than conventional physical beauty, this brand held a Career Fair to sensitize young women on the best strategies to earn workplace promotions or successful entrepreneurships. The core problem is that the ad for the fair was still boring our butts off weeks after the event took place.

The Apprentice

The Apprentice Africa must be the toughest season in the famed Apprentice series yet.  The CEO, Biodun Shobanjo, built his mega client ad agency from scratch. If you watch the series then you must be familiar with Bank PHB-Nigeria. It must be operating on the same principles as Kenya ’s Equity Bank since it apparently thrives in a world with no impossibility. Like Equity, Bank PHB is known for highly competitive products and judging form the ads that we are bombarded with very minute during the program, they must be very innovative.The challenges on this season aptly reflect the cut-throat ad business with tasks ranging from branding a whole new product to selling ideas to extremely money savvy product distributors. On the other hand, the women are true Afro beauties. I have a particular leaning towards Beatrice, who is seemingly not scared of showing as much vulnerability as her strength in different situations. She cried when Kenya ’s George sacrificed himself and took all responsibility for failure in a task and thus was “You are fired”. She survived and these days she smiles even when she is in the boardroom.  Last week saw the demise of Tunde. I honestly thought that he would be the apprentice but he dug his own grave by not playing with the team as project manager. Anyway, I will still remain a fan of the series for seasons and episodes to come.

Kasavuli got sexy back

Our gurus thought that Citizen TV’s news anchor Catherine Kasavuli was finally catching up with age or is it vice versa? After leaving KTN, she started looking 40 i.e her real age but she has reversed the hands of time like Mariah Carey and now looks twenty again. May be she has a Nick Cannon stashed away at her lovely abode! It also helps that supuus (a.k.a Esther Passarises) like Lilian Muli and Esther Arunga remain in KTN. I am sure the entry of  Ms.Muli in KTN shifted attention from her ageless beauty.  

Eih, kumbe ni under 16!

On a similar topic, Otieno Kajwang has made many men happy by lowering the age of acquiring an ID card to 16. In true P-Diddy or R Kelly spirit, Jimwat should aptly make a remix to his Unda 18 hit song in celebration. Sasa so long as yeye ni over 16 una kuta…

Politicians should be thanking him and in the succession battle that has already begun, he should be vying for Presidency against Hillary… sorry… Martha Karua. Would that make Kalonzo our Obama or is it Agwambo? Anyway, our politicians have kadogos ‘languishing’ in riches in every corner of Mama Kenya , just ask our Presidents (both of them!).