Monday, June 30, 2008

INSPIRATION ON THE WAY

Friday 27th 2008 marked the celebration of 90th Birthday of Nelson Madiba Mandela, which will be on July 18th. His well known track record of exemplary leadership set the pace for African democracies. One might assume that he stepped down too early from his rule of South Africa. This is why everyone looks up at the Nobel Peace Prize winner with awe. Even after 21 years in prison due to his active involvement in the anti-apartheid movement, he knew when to step down and leave his legacy at the prime of his life. We might also argue that he is still at the prime of his life judging form the elaborate power that the celebration of his birthday, which was held in London, emanates on world renowned artists. His wife, the multi-lingual, women and children rights advocate, Graca Machel is considered one of the strong women of Africa. I didn’t catch the celebration from the beginning on Channel 1 but I watched the awesome end of show performances from 5-time Grammy Award winner Amy Whinehouse, Ragga artist Bebe Cool of Uganda, legendary rock band Queen, Paul Rodgers and Bono.

Bebe Cool lifted Ugandan music on the world arena by hyping up an English audience, who knew very little about him. He began by kneeling down and honoring the crowd and praising the life Madiba in a tradition he said was true to Ugandan culture. He grabbed their attention by bringing them to Africa with ear bursting African drums and then proceeded to urge the African leaders to wake up to the icon fondly known Madiba (oh, yeah. I can’t mention enough of Africa because his song went on to praise our continent). He stirred hearts by mentioning what went on in Kenya and what’s currently happening in Zimbabwe. Judging from the crowd reaction, he left his mark on an international stage attended by thousands and watched by millions around the world.

Despite all the bad press about her, Amy Whinehouse continues to be a world class live singer. She upped the crowd to its feet even before she stepped on stage. Although her initial notes were shaky due to technical hitches, she stepped up to her earth shaking edgy ‘60s vocals and timid gestures of pulling her trademark short dresses. Queen ended the show with a classic rock performance that reminded me why attending a major rock concert is one of my goals in life. And by “major” I mean a top international rock band, mega live sound and a stadium of thousands.

Madiba grabs headlines every time he speaks and he recently lent his very negative perception of the illegitimate President of Zimbabwe. After all, he lost the initial general elections. He was once mentioned in the same breathe as Haile Selassie, Kwame Nkrumah or Jomo Kenyatta. Now Robert Mugabe has turned into the horned dictator of a people in desperate need of liberation. Zimbabwe has diminished to one of the (if not the worst) worst economies of the world. 200,000 Zimbabwean dollars is approximately equal to 1 US Cent, an inflation rate of 2million percent and a land of poor millionaires. Those are some of the phrases used to describe the poorest rich nation. Zimbabwe is abundant with minerals such as diamond and coal yet the nation has been brought down to its knees by President Mugabe. This story is too much of a cliché in the motherland.

Meanwhile, the African Union is still sitting back on its laurels to say the least. The fact that they waited this long to extend a merely poking finger to Mugabe’s rule is proof that they are a toothless dog. The man at the centre of this appalling diplomatic mess is South African president Thabo Mbeki who is barely scratching Mugabe’s iron clad skin in the name of opposing his oppressive regime. It was just a weeks ago that we saw the xenophobic attacks on fellow brothers and sisters in South Africa. No matter what we think, what happens in Zimbabwe affects all of us. We must protest via all avenues possible, arcct, wordplay, street marches etc even while our more well positioned leaders prove to be inactive in their roles. We could even see how our foreign minister never openly criticized SA for not doing enough to mitigate the attacks on Kenyan citizens living in South Africa. This simply proves the butterfly effect i.e. one butterfly flapping its wings in the southern hemisphere of the world might indirectly be connected to a typhoon in the northern hemisphere.

It has come to the level that SADC (Southern African Development Committee) has proved to be exactly that just a committee (formed to waste time in the name of finding a solution that is already known to the people). You just need to follow the history of Kenyan investigative committees to see this.

We are a few steps to doom if this is the attitude our cream of leadership takes towards a regime that belongs to the gnashing of teeth in hell. Mugabe is a murderer of his own people. The opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai can only do so much despite marginally winning the first elections, which led to a run-off. The run-offs took place without his candidacy since Mugabe took advantage of the time in between to intimidate and kill allies and supporters of Tsvangirai. What we see is a man who seems to be wondering whether he is the only African leader who wants to act against Mugabe. Real action, not sanctions that will only further starve the Zimbabwean people, is what we need. We innovative solutions from Africa, is there inspiration on the way?

Posted by Keith Kinambuga at 13:48:04 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Friday, June 20, 2008

TPF2 vs Idols pt 2: Theory of Cynthia/Hemedi losers’ circle


 

If you think TPF2 and Idols are on totally different levels of professionalism, judging and depth of talent then think again. The Bugzzalot Rat and Roaches Lab has been struggling to get a hold of the emotionally strung DNA that has kept Cynthia and Hemedi in the running for TPF2 and Idols respectively. The intellectual capacity of both is in doubt, their talent is in doubt and the voters who root for them are in doubt. With three ‘doubts’ in support of them our researchers were puzzled at how they managed to attract so many ‘fans’. They inevitably stumbled into the Theory of the Losers’ Circle in this process.

Cynthia is the sweet lily that somehow never dies and Hemedi is the bad boy who manages to crack us up with silly quips and actions. He can even cry and still make us laugh. This was proven when he shed tears after the food train in the Fame house was halted, Kibera style. Of course he cried like the baby he pretends to be and even drew the sympathy of Achieng’ Abura, the School Principal. Imagine if he pulled that stunt in a real school- he would probably die of starvation due to the in-born high school culture of push and shove. And he actually claimed that he is from the ghetto. Maybe he doesn’t know the meaning of the word. After all, he didn’t know what the term lovebirds means when Lina casually queried whether Wendy and he were the a perfect example of lovebirds. He also tends to have the swagger of a confused alpha male. His strategy of snapping up a girl is staying in her face long enough to magnetically induce a like pole of love in her. There’s no problem with this but don’t do it in the full view of your supporting girlfriend mtaani. Maybe it’s an open relationship.


Cynthia on the other hand has enough personality to move an audience that is overwhelmed with too much airtime to waste. We don’t necessarily vote for talent (Valerie won TPF1 last year didn’t she? Yap, I’m still bitching about it!). This would have meant the trash can for Cynthia as the razor tongued Grammy Award nominee, Kawesa said. To the detriment of his dreams, the more he disses Cynthia the more votes she gets. She’s definitely not Meg C but she possesses a comparable stable of talent. After a hot debut at auditions, she disappoints with her drunkard karaoke style of singing. She sadly manages to plough her way through to the next show and we get to see her mystic beauty in full form.


In our study, we found that these two personalities are not as slow and outlandish as they appear. They can be likened to the Mona Lisa. For some reason, most of the great generations of yore think that she was the most beautiful woman to be immortalized on canvas. By extension, laymen think that she was the most beautiful woman of that era. Any overzealous black guy can refute this with a living example of his kadogo in a high class apartment while his family languishes in a mabati 5-star Galsheet crib. So for all his hype, Hemedi knows the key to success is entertainment. Everybody loves the act of a naïve funny character. He can claim to be from the ghetto then cry for food after the next kidney release and still make it. Cynthia knows that there’s nothing more attractive than a determined bombshell. For a woman with beauty and brains, talent is not too high in her priorities. Even if she loses (and she might win…Oops!), she has a bright career ahead of her as a Karaoke hostess or TV personality. Don’t forget that the audience knows that she can design her own clad. Authentic Cynthia labels are in the offing.

So gear up for the greatest surprise of your lives in the coming days. The last shall become first! Bugzzalot presents the losers’ winners circle.

Posted by Keith Kinambuga at 06:24:38 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Monday, June 9, 2008

SCENES FROM THE BUGZZALOT OBSERVATORY

The mad and highly idle gurus at Bugzzalot Observatory have been on the prowl uncovering oddities in the Kenyan landscape…

 

TPF2 Drama pt.1

It was rather obvious to our gurus that Jacob would be voted out of TPF2. Not because the house wanted him out or because he was stiff competition but because he was a snob and a bore (and it’s not hard to be both!). He obviously had more convincing talent than Hemedi (who might just win TPF2…ha ha) and ranks among the best in the house but we all know sheer talent is never enough. It comes with attitude, personality and hardwork (duh!). Even Britney Spears and Paris Hilton work hard so that each paparazzi always wants a piece of them. In fact, the former made a song out of it. We have also discovered why Victor is always saved by us (the audience). He strangely resembles Z.Anto of ‘Binti Kiziwi’ fame. If you doubt it then check your sub-consciousness when you are half asleep. And now that it’s entirely up to us to choose who stays and who goes he is most likely not to enjoy a winning streak anymore especially because he refused to listen to us when we begged him to spare Feli when he faced a ‘fake’ eviction. The board of directors must be feeling really dumb for actually allowing the eviction of the Tanzanians and later claiming that it was fake. Idols must be giving them a run for their money and it’s not even a daily show on the local TV stations.

 

Low riding the handbag

Remember the days when chics (the current mothers) would match across the streets with handbags superglued on their sides because of the fear of purse snatchers. These days the in-thing is to low ride i.e. bag held low and suspended just above the ground by the left hand. Purse snatchers must have retired because this would be like holding out bait to a Hyena. By the way, Hyena’s perceive human arms as loose meat hanging from the human body.

 

I got some flask

And staying with the world of in-things, not more than a year ago everyone in the city used to stroll in the streets with a water bottle. Who new the next big thing would be the mini coffee flasks? They are apparently the perfect accessories to any young hustler who is Yea! cashing cheques (check the new Coop Bank ad campaign). They look like silver medals with black tops. The only problem is that they are meant for guys with cars which actually have cup holders (or may be my gurus are just plain haters)! They are not jewellery!

 

 

Misplaced promo

Fair and Lovely. Hmmm…the modern metro sexual male shouldn’t find it difficult to talk about this line of female products. In the spirit of providing their main clients with something more positive than conventional physical beauty, this brand held a Career Fair to sensitize young women on the best strategies to earn workplace promotions or successful entrepreneurships. The core problem is that the ad for the fair was still boring our butts off weeks after the event took place.


The Apprentice

The Apprentice Africa must be the toughest season in the famed Apprentice series yet.  The CEO, Biodun Shobanjo, built his mega client ad agency from scratch. If you watch the series then you must be familiar with Bank PHB-Nigeria. It must be operating on the same principles as Kenya ’s Equity Bank since it apparently thrives in a world with no impossibility. Like Equity, Bank PHB is known for highly competitive products and judging form the ads that we are bombarded with very minute during the program, they must be very innovative.The challenges on this season aptly reflect the cut-throat ad business with tasks ranging from branding a whole new product to selling ideas to extremely money savvy product distributors. On the other hand, the women are true Afro beauties. I have a particular leaning towards Beatrice, who is seemingly not scared of showing as much vulnerability as her strength in different situations. She cried when Kenya ’s George sacrificed himself and took all responsibility for failure in a task and thus was “You are fired”. She survived and these days she smiles even when she is in the boardroom.  Last week saw the demise of Tunde. I honestly thought that he would be the apprentice but he dug his own grave by not playing with the team as project manager. Anyway, I will still remain a fan of the series for seasons and episodes to come.

 

Kasavuli got sexy back

Our gurus thought that Citizen TV’s news anchor Catherine Kasavuli was finally catching up with age or is it vice versa? After leaving KTN, she started looking 40 i.e her real age but she has reversed the hands of time like Mariah Carey and now looks twenty again. May be she has a Nick Cannon stashed away at her lovely abode! It also helps that supuus (a.k.a Esther Passarises) like Lilian Muli and Esther Arunga remain in KTN. I am sure the entry of  Ms.Muli in KTN shifted attention from her ageless beauty.  

 

Eih, kumbe ni under 16!

On a similar topic, Otieno Kajwang has made many men happy by lowering the age of acquiring an ID card to 16. In true P-Diddy or R Kelly spirit, Jimwat should aptly make a remix to his Unda 18 hit song in celebration. Sasa so long as yeye ni over 16 una kuta…

Politicians should be thanking him and in the succession battle that has already begun, he should be vying for Presidency against Hillary… sorry… Martha Karua. Would that make Kalonzo our Obama or is it Agwambo? Anyway, our politicians have kadogos ‘languishing’ in riches in every corner of Mama Kenya , just ask our Presidents (both of them!).

 

 

 

Posted by Keith Kinambuga at 11:25:44 | Permalink | Comments (1) »