The Theory of the Kenyan
Silicon Valley 2

My earlier posting titled The Theory of the Kenyan Silicon Valley suggested that the money making pyramid schemes revolving in our developing Kenyan world had their funds invested in the stock market. BABS also added that some powerful people were involved in it in readiness for the elections. Over the last few days, these schemes have hit the news headlines and despite proving my half-truths and half-lies there is still a gray area in the explanations from the reporters.

The government has gone a long way to state that the pyramid schemes are NOT ILLEGAL. The new moneymaker in CBK, Professor Ndung’u said that there is no law that specifically terms pyramid schemes as illegal. The former acting moneymaker Mrs. Mwatela also agreed with this despite having been passed over by the Prof since she was apparently under qualified. She ran the economy for almost a year only to be told, “Girrrl (snap snap snap) you’re just not good enough!” It was surprising that she bowed out gracefully. FIDA should look for a loophole in her defense and put the government in its place (under the people). One for Women’s Day???

I wonder why the CEOs of these controversial businesses are not known. It’s most likely because they do not want to be caught when their rotating savings finally runs out of new investors. It might also be possible that they are the top Billy Gates’ of this country and are untouchable.

It was reported that pyramid schemes are just a chain of savings moved around i.e robbing Peter to pay Paul or Waithera to pay Akinyi since apparently 82% of their clients are women. Today is Women’s Day so BABS has to be fair. In this largely unequal world where men make mistakes that can only be solved by women, at least BABS may say that our mothers, sisters and daughters are prone to a few mishaps. The rotating savings thus imply that my stock exchange assumption was wrong but wait a minute…

The stock exchange is currently in a slump. Francis Thuo and Partners stock brokerage was caught pants down (or should I say portfolios down) trading in investors’ shares without their knowledge. 50% of the firm’s investments were undeclared. They had KSh.26.6 million that was being traded in the ‘Black’ NSE Market. The pyramid schemes were coincidentally revealed during this time. Any investor worth his/her millions does not just initiate a pyramid scheme to rip off the latecomers and sit back, the money has to be cleaned out through other channels. Therefore, if one wants to benefit from these schemes then invest early before they crash (for now, its too late).

PS: Scangroup recently bought Redsky (an Ad Agency that handles Safaricom advertising and other major companies). BABS Professor wannabes think that they may be gearing up for expansion into other media such as radio and TV so it wouldn’t be a bad stock investment for the long term. If you are past retirement age then forget it!)

Zarika Fatuma seduces win with an oily display

During the weekend, I keenly watched the women’s boxing bout between Kenya’s Zarika and Bulgaria’s Galena Ivanova. What caught my eye was the constant application of an oily substance on Zarika’s forehead by her coach. This stuff is usually used when one has a cut that needs to be temporarily sealed. I guess it’s also meant to make sure that any punch from the opponent just slips past it. But Zarika was using bowls of the substance on her face until she appeared white. She definitely had no cuts so was it a tactic to make sure that Ivanova’s punches do not actually land? Whatever the reason, it worked since she retained her title. Congrats to her???? One more for the WOMEN???

HELP! BLOGGER IN DANGER

Just when I was taking comfort in my freedom as a blogger, I learnt that Kareem Mohamed (an Egyptian blogger) was arrested for allegedly posting falsehoods against his country’s rulers. Looking on the bright side, it’s good to see that there are guys who are far much brighter than I am squeezing a thorn into the Presidential seat.  Kudos to Kareem for highlighting truths amid oppression!

WILL THE REAL WHATEVERS PLEASE STAND UP?

 The ‘fake’ Silas Mugendi should be grateful that he is still alive after being held by the CID for weeks. The namesake of the real thug was held by the cops, who did not think of taking his fingerprints in order to clear him.  I saw the poor guy on TV and I bet that he is feeling both stupid and angry at the same time. He does not even look like the real Silas but he still handed himself over to the police without a backup plan. At least by now he should have learnt that cops don’t like thinking. With questions such as “Unafanya nini?” when they saw you walking home or “Jina yako gani?” when they are holding your ID card, our poor guy should know the obvious.

At last, the government has decided to clear away the filth in Dandora Estate of Nairobi. The city’s dumpsite has been harboring Matheris’ for a minute and now they are moving it to another environmentally friendly estate. Bugzzalot Real Estate Agency is the first to declare that there is real land for sale. Anyone who wants a piece of land that is well fertilized by human waste can holla at me. Just post your comment and I will reach you.

Wambo, am serious so don’t laugh.

Meanwhile, a non-existent company known as Revel International is responsible for East Africa Portland (EAP) Cement capturing news headlines. NTV’s spook, Robert Nagila, broke the story by revealing that Revel has no offices or directors but can still win a KSh. 1 billion contract to supply EAP with clinker/special ashes/ember. Apart from the weird necessity of this commodity that would prompt a “Nini Hii?” from a mwananchi like me, there is also the name Revel which means get drunk/party/raise the roof/paint the town red. Despite this info, a very clever Minister for Trade (Dr. Mukhisa Kituyi) declared the tendering process for the contract as above board. Therefore, some ghost directors will get rich from nothing. He was quick however to inform the press that it was the Permanent Secretary who told him that nothing was wrong. He must be preparing for the Revel Inquiry in 2008 when the new government under Kalonzo Musyoka starts investigating the matter. Our doctor shall simply say, “It wasn’t me, it was the PS.” I feel for women when they say that there are no real men. Ngilu for President. Another one for the women???

WE HAVE A DARFUR IN THE MAKING AT MT.ELGON. WHERE IS MICHUKI? WHERE IS THE GOVERNMENT? JUZI THERE WAS A RAID AT THE SAME PLACE THAT INVOLVED 80 AK-47 WEILDING THUGS. SEVERAL LIVES WERE LOST AND WE ALL KNOW THAT IT’S NOT THE FIRST TIME. THE GOVERNMENT APPOINTED CHIEFS HAVE RUN AWAY WHILE THERE ARE MORE THAN 5000 DISPLACED FAMILIES. OPPOSITION MPs HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO GAIN ACCESS TO THE AREA TO TAKE FOOD SUPPLIES WITHOUT SUCCESS DUE TO POLICE BLOCKADES. NOW THE MPs ARE NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT IT. IT WAS ALL FOR THE IMAGE. WILL THE REAL LEADERS PLEASE STAND UP BECAUSE THEY DESERVE TO BE SHOT?

  RE INVENTION OF RnB

Timbaland is single handedly reinventing the RnB sound. His productions for Justin Timberlake, Nelly Furtado and Pussycat Dolls are hitting the charts with a refreshing sound. He even produced a Rock track for the Fall Out Boy. If you have not heard them then just listen to the mechanical bass of the ace producer on any one of their tracks. In his own words I can only say…it’s been a long time, shouldn’t have left you without a dope beat to step to…His own upcoming album is being excessively hyped so we only expect a wild ride to new areas of creativity.

Lamar and Jamelia are also upping the soul vibe of the genre in Europe with there new singles. Its normally rare to hear an US RnB artist praising the works of an outsider but Lamar is getting props front, back and sideways. His deep gritty voice is finding its way into women’s hearts. “No more” from Jamelia has a spirit-raising tune that interweaves beautifully with her strong voice.

 REDSAN is REDHOT

Our Kenyan Ragga King is churning out high quality videos (and music) that would make Prezzo demand his 500k back from Tedd Josiah for the “Prezzo” single video clip. They were shot in France so Redsan only has white chics as the stars of the music videos.

So who’s better Prezzo or Redsan?  One more for the Kenyan women???